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Lose it or die – a fat boy’s tale!
April 22, 2009Posted by on
The time has come! Lose weight or die!
Well, that is just fine and dandy but I have been trying to lose weight all my life – already 2 score and 10 years gone!
I have tried every fat blasting trick in the book… pills, potions, motions… the weird, wild and outright wacky… oh, and all the mainstream stuff. Basically, I go up and down like the Sydney water supply only opposite – water in Sydney is less, my girth is more.
I exercise each day, walking, traversing the three flights of steps to my humble abode and swimming. I don’t eat junk food but I do like my tucker. I am sure I am a food addict. The result is, I am heading into my best years carrying about 70 kg (c. 150 lbs) too much. No wonder I am stuffed all the time!
Next stop – gastric banding!
Yep, in May I will be getting a Lap Band™ – a device that will throttle my stomach and, critically, curb my urge to eat! Crikey, if I can take that Koala off my back (we don’t have monkeys) I will name my next child “Lap Band Brooks”. OK, a bit of an exaggeration there, my only other operation made sure there would be no more ankle biters.
To prepare my liver, I am on a starvation diet. I get a shake in the morning, a bar at lunch (not the type I call my second home) and a soup and a few vegies at night! Four weeks of this and I won”t need an operation – I wish! The good news is, after two weeks I go down to two of these meals a day. Expect some irrational, angry and confused posts after that.
Well, I have a lot to hang around for. My partner and two sons deserve more of me, by getting less of me. They are my best support! I have many things I can’t wait to do:
- I love unusual clothes – not easy for us big guys
- I travel a lot – for those of you who are not obese, think how tough economy is and then multiply that by 100
- I want to drop out of a perfectly serviceable aircraft
- I want to SCUBA dive
- I want to get more “horses” out of my motorcycle
- I want to live without a CPAP and Sleep Apnoea – this is not guaranteed but could happen
- I want to live long enough to exact revenge on my sons – I realised my sins to my parents when I had children – as much as I do love them
- I want to lie on the beach without a bunch of do-gooders trying to roll me back into the surf
- I want to tackle the next phase of my life with energy, vigour and more confidence
I have paid a high price for carrying so much weight; health risks (I have been fairly lucky so far), embarrassment (try asking for a belt extension on a flight or sitting on a chair that collapses), shopping (nothing really good in my size – except a Caftan) and confidence in some areas.
I have been an outgoing person who just toughs out tricky situations. I have great confidence in much of my life which has probably been my salvation for a great working and social life.
I have two months of no booze, my dear single malt scotch collection is safe from me for now. My partner thinks I will lose the weight, get really buffed and replace her with a 25 year old. I don’t want a 25 year old, I’m thinking 20! Truth is, I won’t be heading for “Buffed”, healthy and energetic is my goal. As for trading in my gorgeous partner, she is an important part of my decision, support and ultimate success. She is also the woman I searched so hard for in my life. Tried lots of Ms Wrongs (and it wasn’t all bad) – now I have Ms Right in my life I am rapt! It turns out I just had to look in Canada for my soul mate!
I thought I would jot a few thoughts on this next phase of my life. Stay tuned! I believe it will be a success story resplendent with serious weight loss, no 25 year olds and lots of new adventures.