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Scribbles on life, the universe and everything… Woy Woy, Ettalong, Umina and teh Central Coast that is!
The “Big Guy” is mine!
June 19, 2009Posted by on
Living with an obese person has many challenges. The first and biggest challenge I faced early in the relationship was “do I want to get involved with someone who might not be around for very long?” I really had to think long and hard about this because I knew that Al was very obese. I know what his chances are of having a heart attack, stroke or any of the other medical problems that come along with obesity. Am I prepared for a potential “short term” relationship? When you really think about it, do we ever know how long the relationship will last or how healthy either of us will be next year or next week? One of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow and gone in the blink of an eye.
Then there are the challenges of friends and family. It was funny because this wasn’t something I really expected from friends, but it is where I heard it the most. “Isn’t he quite fat?” “Do you really want to be with an overweight person?” “Does it turn you off?” It made me realize that for some people, love doesn’t have much to do with it. Vanity really does come into play!
In the beginning I got caught up in this by feeling that I had to explain “he is a wonderful person, he has such an amazing soul to him, he’s so smart and successful, he loves me and appreciates my love in return. He is funny, witty and very very wise”. Would I have to say all of this or explain if he was of “normal” weight? I wonder! Then comes the big question “He must be rich then?” No, he’s not and would it make a difference if he was? The only thing that I have come to learn from all of this is that there are far too many shallow people in the world. I feel for them because they may be missing out on having a very deep meaningful relationship because they let their vanity and shallowness get in the way.
Another of the challenges of living with and loving an obese person, is when total strangers make comments. Al and I were out walking one day along a highway when a group of youths driving by in a car, slowed down just enough to shout “fat ass” and profanities at Al. It made me realize how sad the human race really is. I was much more angry than he was. He takes it all in stride, probably because he is used to it. I wanted to take him in my arms and shield him from these small people forever which is quite silly because Al is a “big boy” and is more than capable of looking after himself.
After living with Al for awhile the next challenge was not to say something when he was overeating. This is not something I have done very well at. I tend to make comments like “aren’t you full?” “Have you not had enough?” Silly me, because obviously he is not full and has not had enough. I find it so hard to sit back and watch a person that I love so much continue to destroy themselves. But, overeating (which is Al’s problem) is an addiction. He can’t just turn it off, nor can I. All I can do is support him in whatever effort he makes.
Which is what he is doing right now. Making an effort and then some. Yes, he had lap band surgery, but that doesn’t mean that you are just going to lose weight without effort. In fact, I have followed a few blogs where people are trying to figure out how to get a hamburger down post lap band! Why do it then???
One of the things I love about Al (and there are many) is his commitment when he makes a decision. From the moment he decided to have the surgery ( I was awestruck), he has been committed. He has put 110% into making it work which is why I know it will work. He will not give up or start to circumnavigate the advantages the lap band offers as long as you stick to the plan.
The bottom line is that I will support Al. It does not matter what the outcome is, he is my partner, my spouse, my love. It doesn’t matter if he weighs 350 pounds or 180 pounds, he is still the same Al (maybe more energetic), he is funny, witty, caring, loving, very very wise and he is mine!