Broken Bay Writers – Stories of NSW Central Coast and beyond

Scribbles on life, the universe and everything… Woy Woy, Ettalong, Umina and teh Central Coast that is!

Category Archives: Canadian in Australia

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Well the adventure has begun. We have packed our bags, all seven of them, said our good byes to the neighbours and are now sitting in a hotel at Sydney airport waiting to fly to Toronto tomorrow morning.
I walked out onto the front porch of the house, closed the door and got into the car without a single goodbye to the cats. I just couldn’t do it. They would have sensed how emotional I was feeling, that’s just not fair to them.
We have a bit of repacking to do before boarding the plane in the morning otherwise we are all prepared. It hasn’t been easy. It has been several weeks of cleaning, organising, packing, repacking, re-cleaning, contacting the appropriate people, re-organising but now we are done.
Until we get to Toronto, then we have to find a place to live so we get to start apartment hunting right away. The big problem with apartment hunting is that we don’t really know what we are doing or where to look. We want a “village” feel. Having asked a few different people for advice, we have heard a few different opinions and are no closer to knowing which area of Toronto we should be apartment hunting in. It will come to us, I am sure. And, if it doesn’t, then we will move as soon as the lease is up. After all, this is an adventure. It doesn’t really fit as an adventure if one knows how it will all play out!
Sydney, is sending us off with an amazing thunder storm. How cool is that? After weeks of beautiful weather, it’s time! Fall is on its way here in Australia. The perfect time to leave.
I was asked by a friend if Australia is now home to me. It got me thinking, where is home?
I have always felt and assumed that Quatsino was home to me. It is where I was born and raised. The boat turns into Hecate Cove, the Shipyard comes into view and I feel home. This is home.
But then again, I lived in Port McNeill for thirty years. So many friends and family on the North Island. The car stretches over the crest, the Beaver Cove turn off comes into view, the air cools and the smell of salt assaults the senses. I feel that I have arrived home. This area is so familiar and is filled with family and friends.
Then there is Nanaimo. Only four years, but many memories and good times. I always arrive via ferry into Departure Bay. As we approach the Island, I know, I am home.
Living in Australia for the last six years, we visit Canada every year. When we come back to Australia, I feel the same sense of home. Sydney airport, the train and finally Woy Woy. The waterfront is magical, our friends diverse and plentiful. Life is good at our little piece of Primrose paradise.
Where does that leave me now? Preparing to board a plane to a new adventure, a new home. Where is home? What is home?
It came to me yesterday, home is not a place, it’s a feeling. I feel at home with the memories I have collected along this path of life. The path I have chosen has taken me to different corners of the world. I won’t really find home in any of those corners. To me, home is about people. The person I am sharing my life with right now is Al. Together, we are what make a home. It is with a new sense of understanding that I can live anywhere in the world and know in my heart that if I am with Al, I am home.

Darwin Bound (July 2012)

People can be very interesting, especially when traveling. My flight left Sydney a half hr late because it was a full flight and could not be loaded quickly due to all the people trying to stow their carry on luggage. I saw people with 3 or 4 bags each. Why Qantas lets these people have so much carry on, I will never know. But, who am I to question how Qantas runs their airline!
It just doesn’t matter, because boarding a flight means I am travelling. And, I am very happy when I am travelling especially to somewhere I haven’t been before.
This time, I am on my way to Darwin in the Northern Territory in Australia. I haven’t been to Darwin before, nor anywhere else in the Northern Territory. Exciting enough to be going somewhere new, but more exciting because Darwin is warm. Average temperature during dry season (which is now) is 20 degree lows and 30 -32 degree days. Lovely!
Darwin only actually has two seasons, the wet season from October to May and the dry season from May to November. Either way, the temperature doesn’t change much! The dry season means no rain for 5 months. Imagine!
I arrive in Darwin via a four hour stop over in Alice Springs. I have no plans to leave the airport because I have work to do, but want to come back another time to see Alice and Uluru. Will have to leave that for another adventure.
Flying into Alice gives one a sense of amazement of just how vast and ever changing Australia is. As we near Alice you can see the landscape change to desert like conditions although it is officially not a desert. The ribbons of sand dunes cover the land as far as the eye can see. There are specks of white, which I believe are salt marshes. Occasionally you will see specks of darkness where there are actual trees.
What a difference from the landscape I saw when leaving Sydney. Vast white sandy beaches, inviting blue ocean and breathtaking views of the Blue Mountains which really do have a blue hue.
Another element of traveling that I absolutely love is meeting people. I am probably considered a pain in the ass because I just about always get talking to whomever is sitting next to me on my flight.
The trip to Alice is no exception. I meet this lovely couple from Nepal. They have been five years in Sydney and are now moving to Tennent Creek via a sponsorship. He will work in Tennent Creek for two years and then they will be eligible to stay in Australia. To say they are excited is an understatement. They have no idea what Tennent Creek is like and they don’t care. She has learned that you can not swim in any water there due to crocodiles. She is not concerned because they are going to have their own house. Their excitement is contagious. By the time we reach Alice, I am excited for them and spend some minutes dreaming of their life to come!
My time passes quickly in Alice airport. There is free Internet and I have managed to get quite a bit of work done. I am more than ready to move on to Darwin. Warm weather here I come!
Al is at the airport waiting for me. What a Honey he is! He has already picked up the car rental, settled us in to Sky City Casino and Resort, and is now back at the airport to pick me up. My immediate thoughts on Darwin? Warm! Love it.
It’s dark and I don’t get to see much, but that’s okay. We have a lovely dinner and settle in for the night lulled to sleep with the sound of waves lapping on the beach.
Tuesday and Al has to work all day, so do I! I settle myself in for the day and work by the pool. I even had the pool boy (not Al) deliver my lunch. This is the way working life should be!

My Office

My Office


In the evening, we amble over to Mitchell St known for it’s bars and backpackers. Low and behold an ad for Canadian Club. They seem to be doing some heavy advertising in Australia lately. Go CC!
Canadian Club

Canadian Club


Wednesday is our day off. We take the opportunity to look around Darwin, walk the waterfront (don’t want to swim as there are crocs) and then Al decides we must drive some of the Stewart Highway looking for a road train. We didn’t have to go far. As we sat at the intersection waiting to turn onto the highway, two road trains went by. These pics are for Jason and Kallen. Not sure who will enjoy them more!Road Train

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One would be remiss if they didn’t mention the sunsets in Darwin. They are spectacular, no wait, beyond spectacular. The sunsets alone are worth the trip to Darwin.

Sunset

Sunset

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Here it is Thursday already and we are sitting in the Qantas Lounge waiting for our flight home. My thoughts on the Northern Territory, I want to see more. My thoughts on Darwin…I could live here!

Cheers

Cheers

Cheers

Butterfly Busters. Conquering the Fear of Public Speaking

My hands were shaking, my knees were quaking, my heart pounding and my throat dry. First date? No. Worse, much worse. How did I get myself into this situation?

Let me take you back. It’s the year 1999 and I am attending college. A late bloomer, but that’s another story! I find myself preparing to give a presentation (for the life of me, I can’t remember what I was presenting on) in front of about 50 – 100 students in the auditorium.

I have a problem, fear has engulfed me. I just wish I would die, right on the spot. Maybe a heart attack? Quick and easy, hopefully relatively painless as I have heard that people can “drop dead” from heart attacks. Yes, that would work. It would certainly get me out of this situation I am in right now. I am ill prepared. Better prepared for the heart attack than for the speech, that’s for sure. I am positive everyone can tell that I am nervous. Certainly my fellow students can tell because we are all standing around back stage murmuring ” I am so nervous, I think I would rather die.”

I have my speech somewhat memorised, although I am now thinking I should have spent more time practicing. What am I saying? I should have spent ANY time practicing. I am so not prepared. Luckily I have the speech typed out in large font so I can just read it. How hard can it be? But then the fear engulfs me again. How did I get myself into this situation? Everyone is going to see my hands shaking as I read my speech. My voice is going to quiver. I don’t look good. I should have worn a dress. Yes, I am thinking of all the negatives and not thinking about my speech at all.

My name is called. F%@K, that was fast. I walk onto the stage, introduce myself ( I think) and start reading my speech hands shaking, knees knocking. Lucky thing I didn’t wear that dress. People would have been able to see my knees. Why the hell didn’t I memorise this speech because the pages are shaking so bad, I can hardly read!

I hurry through thinking the least time on stage, the better! With speech having been delivered (I think), I exit. Stage left, or right or…just exit! I can’t remember how I left the stage or what happened on stage. Did I make it through my speech? I don’t know. I do know, I am never putting myself through this again. I have just been to hell and back and it wasn’t fun!

I never did remember what I said or how I said it on stage and I never put myself in that situation again. But rather than let the fear win, I decided to educate myself ( or rather seek out others who could help) and learn how to speak in public. One of the first things I did was join a Toastmasters Club.

To my shock, I wasn’t the only one who felt this kind of overwhelming fear of public speaking. In fact it’s more the norm. People really do fear death more than they fear speaking in public. When you come right down to it, that’s just ridiculous! I also discovered the audience isn’t there to see you fail, they are there to hear you speak. They are interested in what you have to say. And they care.

I have since realised this after becoming a confident and competent speaker, I have sat through speeches delivered by people who are overwhelmed with fear. And, all I could think of when listening to them struggle is ” I want to help.” I am willing them to get the words out. I want them to succeed. I want them to feel the nervous excitement one feels when they deliver a well prepared speech. It’s exhilarating.

It has taken years and a lot of practice. One does not become a speaker overnight. But with practice, I have learned not to just control my nerves and fear, but use them to enhance my speech with nervous excitement. I have also surrounded myself with supportive people I can practice in front of. I know now that the audience can’t tell how nervous you are and if then can,they are empathetic and want you to succeed.

Some tips I have learned over the years; I practice deep breathing before speaking, this helps to calm nerves as it slows the heart rate down. I move around as much as possible to warm my muscles. More importantly, I practice my speeches and then when I think I have practiced enough, I practice some more. And, I will myself to stay in a positive head space. Public speaking has given me confidence. Not just confidence in myself, but confidence in my message.

I do make mistakes. I have become over confident and found myself in situations where I haven’t practiced enough or I make a mistake in my presentation. It’s okay. I accept imperfection and often the audience doesn’t even notice the mistake. This makes it easier to just “let it go.”

Don’t get me wrong, I am nervous every time I speak. And, that’s okay. My internal voice that once told me, ” I am never putting myself through this again” was a voice that came from fear. But, I have embraced and mastered my fear. I now use my nervous and anxious thoughts and turn them into energy to enhance my speech. I have conquered my fear of public speaking by turning that fear into my friend!

“Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you are scared to death” Harold Wilson

My Sister my Friend. I Will Miss You.

You will always live in my heart and my memories.
You touched the lives of not just me, but so many with your gentleness and open heart.
I am flooded with memories.
When I was a little girl, you wiped away my tears.
Gave unconditional hugs often.
Made me feel so special by sharing in your wedding day. I so loved that purple dress!
Made my life miserable by teaching my son to crawl at five and a half months.
You thought it was so funny.
You thought everything was funny. How beautiful!
Always saw the positive in people and in life.
Tried to teach me how to iron. Declared me a lost cause (and so rightly so)
Accepted everything that came your way or happened in your life with grace,
calmness and dignity…Always.
And your cheesecakes! How memorable were they?
Although after making how many for Erin’s wedding,
they didn’t have quite the same allure for a few years!
We went to the bar when I was underage (you were such a cool sister)
and you got I’d and I didn’t.
It was your young personality and beautiful ice blue eyes.
Life is meant to be lived and that’s exactly what you did and you did it well.
We had such good times when we were together.
We laughed until we cried,
but now I am just crying because your leaving has left a hole in my heart.
I know that hole will fill with all these memories and more,
but that takes time, so much time.
You have always been a committed Wife, Mother, Grandmother, Daughter, Sister and Friend.
It was your purpose in life to shower your friends and family with your love.
And you did.
Right now, I envision you camping lakeside, sitting in your comfy chair,
sipping a glass of wine.
At peace, knowing that all whose lives you have touched have a warm spot in their heart and a smile on their face, including me.
Gone to soon, but loved forever. RIP my sister, Jeune.

Jeune & Molly

Decorating The Tree – It’s a Sad Day!

Saturday morning and all is going well. We have actually gone out and got the Christmas tree, brought it home and had it up and ready to decorate by 9 a.m. It is my job to decorate the tree as I lovingly like to place each decoration with intention. I like my tree to look nice, really nice!

But, in the last three years,a strange thing has happened as I decorate the tree and this year is no different, I start to feel sad. It is a major case of homesickness!

This year I notice how each decoration that I place evokes memories of the past. The little gold angel has my daughters name inscribed on it. The fabric pinecone I made with my friends Shari and Nancy. We had a blast making those decorations.

I have three homemade decorations from Carolyn. I should have more. Considering I have known Carolyn for almost 30 years and she is well known for making and giving decorations, I wonder where the rest went. It also brings to mind how many Christmases our two families have spent together…many.

Some decorations remind me more of a time, rather than a person. I bought two wooden decorations made by Tony from Quatsino, but I bought them at the craft fair in Port McNeill. The annual craft fair is a huge event in Port McNeill. I have attended it with many different friends over the years. Always was a good day out.

Many of my decorations are from my childhood, like the red bells that fit over Christmas light causing them to glow. We had those red bells when I was a child, which I find strangely odd since we didn’t have power when I was a child. We always had lights on the tree though. When the generator was going, the tree was lit up. It was always lit up on Christmas morning.

I like having themed trees and one year I decided to have all bells as my theme, but I couldn’t afford to go out and buy a ton of bells, so Mom and Jackie croqueted me a bunch bells. These same bells adorn my tree every year along with other decorations, as I have gone off the themed tree thing. I have too many decorations that wouldn’t fit the theme and I want them all on the tree.

Like the cross stitch from Jackie (I have a red bird and a moose) and the little box from my two Granddaughters. It holds their picture and when you hit the button, they sing. Their angelic voices bring a smile to my face and a tear to my eye because I miss them and the other Grandchildren so much.

I have newer decorations that also have meaning. Al and I went to Bellingham our first Christmas together and we bought two of the cutest little wine glasses. They bring back a memory of a wonderful snow filled, magical trip.

The tree was all decorated, I stood back to admire it, while Al tried to straighten it because it had a deadly lean to it…crash, the whole thing came down.

After turning the power off and making sure Al hadn’t been electrocuted, I picked the tree up. There was broken glass and ornaments all over the floor. I started to cry.

The first loss was actually a silly buy from years before when I had started making decent money in the logging industry. I had celebrated by buying three hand painted balls for about $70. Extravagant, but fun at the time. One had broken years ago, now the other two were laying on the floor in pieces, along with one of the wineglasses,but they weren’t what brought me to tears. It was the little hand painted bell from Berdie (from Quatsino). I have (had) three. Two small bells and a large one and they are painted with little flowers. Berdie was a very talented artist. She is long gone and now so is the large bell. I think she gave them to me the year I moved out and was going to have to decorate my own tree.

I cried for the loss of the bell, for being so far away from my friends, for the memories, for being a world away from my family whom I love and miss like crazy.

The tree is redecorated, minus some decorations. I know the decorations are gone forever, but not my memories, they remain. To all my friends and family, I miss you. I wish you a wonderful Christmas full of awesome memories and a healthy and Happy New Year.

Are You Listening?

I am always looking for ways to learn and improve myself. One area I know I need to work on is listening skills or lack thereof. I can see the heads nodding of just about every family member and friend I have. Yes, I admit it; I am not the best listener in the world. I can hear my daughter who has told me a million (or at least a hundred) times that it’s my ADD. And, I don’t think she means that as a plus!

I try hard to listen, but it seems my mind is going 300 miles an hr, which means I am never really 100% focused on what the other person is saying. I work on it through Toastmasters, reading and being aware of (and admitting to) my shortcomings.

So, it is a breath of fresh air, when I have the opportunity to watch someone who has mastered listening skills. Yesterday, I attended a meeting with my new boss. Because it is only my second week on the job, it is the first real meeting I have been involved in that included a potential investor/member.

This meeting is where it all happened. Where I was blown away by the high level of listening skills Mr. Boss has. He was genuinely interested in every word Mr. Potential was saying. Not that I am not genuinely interested in what people say to me, it is just hard to concentrate sometimes. The difference with Mr. Boss is that he was living “in the moment”. It was amazing to watch Mr. Potential respond to an active, sincere listener who asked the right questions at the right time and listened with interest and integrity to each answer as it was given.

Was I sincerely listening during this conversation? No, I was observing and trying to figure out how I could learn how to become a genuine active listener. I can hear you now, “first learn to listen”, which is what I wasn’t doing! “Learn to be in the moment”, well I was kind of doing that, wasn’t I?

The upside of all of this is that I will learn because I am now working for the best company in the world that offers me the opportunity to learn and grow every day!
How cool is that?

I strive to learn this skill, not just to be a better listener, but because I know how it feels when Mr. Boss is actively listening to me. It makes me feel special (in a good way) and I want to pass that feeling on to others. I want “living in the moment” to be something that comes naturally, not a struggle to achieve.

So, this is my challenge to myself, I am going to learn to actively listen with sincerity. Imagine the possibilities!

Focus, focus focus, I can hear Al laughing now!

LG Life is Good, Really Good!

We all love to hear the words “You’ve won!” I was lucky enough to hear those words last Thursday. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the lottery or anything as life changing as that, but it was pretty good, a cruise on Sydney Harbour while being pampered!
I had written a “Life’s Good” blog in a contest that Brenda Gaddi of Mummytime.com was running. She is an official tweeter for LG. Yes, the same LG that produces products such as the surround sound in my living room.
I was one of two lucky winners Brenda had chosen to share her “Life’s Good” cruise with.

Mummyk, Brenda & I

Mummyk, Brenda & I

http://mummyk.com was the other lucky recipient.
Life started out good with a beautiful sunny day and just got better from there.

mummyk showing off the Harbour Bridge


We were treated to a wonderful selection of sushi, decedent chocolate dipped strawberries, massages, manicure, pedicures

Melting into total relaxation with a massage

and to top it off, had the opportunity to meet Fifi & Jules and some very interesting and well deserving women.

Brenda and the beautiful Fifi Box


Did I mention the wine and champagne that flowed freely throughout the cruise?

Can you imagine a massage in this environment. Heaven!


LG and Brenda, thank you for the extraordinary experience. Not one I will soon forget.
Life’s Good!

Cheers!

The Secret

Perhaps it’s my negativity, but I find some people who consider themselves positive role models to be nothing more than damaged individuals who live within their own “positive” reality that isn’t very positive at all.

I find it hypocritical to call yourself a positive person when you use your tongue to offend others. Being racist is not positive, telling a person to be something other than what they are is not positive. Talking down to people is not positive. “Telling” people your success story instead of “sharing” your success story is not positive. Thinking you are perfect and others are not, is not positive.

I acknowledge that my positive attitude requires work; in fact it requires constant work. But, I also know that money isn’t everything and does not necessarily mean success, although I am willing to have money as well as my other successes.

I like money, but I don’t need money to know I have successfully raised two beautiful children, I am successful in my life, happiness and my relationship, and in fact I think I am the luckiest person in the world when it comes to spouses. I scored a perfect man!

It doesn’t matter what colour skin you have, or what walk of life you come from, I am likely to like you because I am a people person… I like people. I don’t see myself as inferior to you, but I don’t see myself as better than you either. I work hard not to judge and ask that you do the same.

I like to have conversations with people, not at people. I like to share my stories, but I want to hear yours too. I am not perfect at my conversational and listening skills, but I work at them…do you?

I am polite. I won’t tell you how pretty I am or how young I look and you could to if you were just like me. I won’t tell you that you have to change if you want to be successful. Why won’t I tell you these things? Because it is rude and who am I to be pretentious enough to think that I know the exact changes you should make to be successful or that you are unhappy with how you look. In fact, you may already consider yourself successful and I will bet a lot of people think you look great just as you are.

Yes, this is a rant and yes I am almost finished with my rant. So, how to handle these people, these positive people who are not actually positive people at all? Fuck them! I know that’s not a very positive statement, but that’s who I am. I won’t tell them that, because it’s my “stuff” and I don’t want to hurt their feelings.

I am caring, polite, considerate of others, a worrier, emotional, a hard worker, negative at times, positive at times, always a believer in the human race, a lover, an adventurer, a seeker of opportunity and loving of all things and people great and small, black and white (unless you are a spider). That my friends’ is what I positively believe…to be the secret!

My Partner has a Mistress…What To Do?

I had never imagined that I would be in a relationship where I had to be concerned about a Mistress as I have a lot to offer. I offer him my unconditional love and feel that love back. But it’s not enough to stave away the Mistress. Not only do I have to agonize about her, she has strength and a seductiveness that cannot be matched.
She clutches my man with determination and stamina that leads me to believe she is the devil herself. Her grasp is at times tender, enveloping him, creating a sense of euphoria, the experience…orgasmic. Suddenly, she digs her nails in; the euphoria is replaced with a primal need. Once again, he is under her spell.
She doesn’t make him happy, in fact the opposite is true; she devours his very soul. This is not love, not the kind of love he and I share, yet still, I know that when I am with him, he is thinking of her.
Their relationship is strong, all consuming, racked with guilt. Not from her, the guilt is reserved for him. She is not just a Mistress; she is an obsession, his obsession.
He has tried to leave her…many times. She gently massages him, drawing him back into her clutches, once again. She offers a hedonic experience. An experience he craves, to the point of thinking of no others.
Who is this Mistress who carries so much power?
Her name…Addiction! An all-consuming food addiction!
How do I compete with his Mistress? I believe. I believe in our love, I believe in his strength to overcome, I believe in him and I support him…unconditionally.

Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway!

Imagine my disgust as a person who strives to be unique and walk to the beat of my own drum, I find myself with the most common phobia known to man…the fear of spiders. Worse yet, it’s not my only fear. There is also the fear of heights, fear of flying, fear of dirt… Wow, that list is long.

I can’t say I have conquered many of my fears, but what I have done is learn to face them. My fear of heights used to be so extreme that I couldn’t stand on a chair. The problem with having this fear is it gets in the way of having fun, if you let it.

Spelunking…I found myself in the situation where I was attached to a rope (or whatever they call it) and was asked to lean over the hole backwards until I was horizontal and then start walking down the side into a 100ft deep hole. I did it and I am damn proud of it.

I have been to mountain tops via the chairlift. Sure I have to concentrate on my breathing, but who would want to miss that view, it’s spectacular! I have ridden in the highest gondola in the world that stretches the longest span. I didn’t look down, but at least I went in it. So much for my fear of heights! I may not stand on the edge of an open cliff, that’s okay, common sense says one should not stand to close to the edge without a safety harness anyway!

My fear of flying most certainly comes from my Mother, as most of my fears probably do. And, I have had some horrible trips in planes, but at least I get on the planes, I didn’t used to. In high school I missed out on trips to Morocco and Paris because I refused to fly so far. As I matured something strange happened, my curiosity to see the world and find out what’s around the next corner got the better of the fear! I didn’t want to miss out on other opportunities to see the world, so I refused to let the fear overcome.

I have flown quite a bit in my lifetime and have learned to practice little things to help me with my anxiety. I must look out the window on takeoff and landing and have the ability to look out the window at any time during the flight. I concentrate on my breathing or else I will forget to breathe and start to feel dizzy. The important thing is, I just do it. Amazingly, I find myself with family in Canada while I live in Australia which necessitates a yearly trip across the ocean. Such is life, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

My fear of dirt definitely comes from my Mother. I was in my 20’s when I learned that most people do not mop their floors three times a day. It was at that time I decided to try to handle small amounts of dirt in my life and not be so concerned with having my house spotless. Unfortunately, it took me many years to learn how to control this phobia. Consequently, I have missed out on many picnics because I couldn’t eat outside where there is dirt and I spent more time cleaning my house than spending quality time playing with my kids. But I am getting better. I now only clean the house once a week, although I still like order, except in closets and drawers where it has become a free for all!

So, why is it that those pesky little spiders still send me in to a panic attack?  The other day Al and I went off to the store. Al was driving. Suddenly a huntsman spider crossed on the outside of our windshield. We had the windows down so Al immediately hit the button to put the windows up. I, in my panic hit the button on top of his finger and pushed harder. I know it doesn’t make the window go up faster, but logic does not come into it when one is dealing with a phobia. The spider decided to go down into the vent on the hood. Our vehicle is fairly new, so it has screens on the vents to filter out air pollution. That fact didn’t’ help me as I struggled to close all the vents inside, pulled my legs up and hyperventilate all at the same time.

Al pulled over as soon as he could. I was out of the vehicle in a shot. Pacing up and down the sidewalk, crying and trying to breathe! It was horrible.

Worse, I now had a choice to make…get back in the car and go home or walk home which was an option because I was not that far from home. I stood for a minute and told myself, “this is an irrational fear, that spider can not harm you” and I got back in the car.

I got back in the car because I understand that irrational fear is a state of mind. It’s okay to be scared, but I can not let that fear rule my life. If I did I wouldn’t be living with the most wonderful man in the world because I had to get on a plane to get here and move to Australia…known for it’s spiders, killer spiders! And, I live in the area where some of those killer spiders live, the feared funnel web.

We made it home without the spider showing itself again. Al, being the honey that he is, got a hose and flushed the huntsman out of the vehicle.

The thing is I know I have to get on top of this fear, after all, what if I had of been driving? I can not cause an accident because of a spider, so I am just going to have to learn.

I have been making baby steps. I went through the spider building at the wildlife park. I never would have done that five years ago. Yes, I have had my house sprayed several times and it’s due for another spray as spiders are showing up in the yard. I try not to let it affect me, but I notice myself choosing to sit inside more often rather than out in our beautiful yard. I will get the yard sprayed again, but I also will continue to work on controlling the strongest emotion of mankind…fear.

It’s okay to be scared as long as one has the courage to not let the fear run their life. For this reason and this reason alone, I am not and will not get on a plane, leave the man I love, the life I have built here, to go home to where spiders are way smaller and much less formidable of an opponent! That would be giving in and that’s just not the way my drum beats…no, it beats my way!