Broken Bay Writers – Stories of NSW Central Coast and beyond

Scribbles on life, the universe and everything… Woy Woy, Ettalong, Umina and teh Central Coast that is!

Tag Archives: Fat Tales

Self inflicted lamb lust!

I have one of those personalities that can rigidly stick to anything – for a very short time! To achieve this state I need three things: I must totally believe in what I am doing; I have to really want it; It has to have a clear end date.

That is why I can’t lose weight long term!

That is why I am going for a dog collar on my stomach! Woof!

I have been on the Optifast thing for 19 days now but whos’ counting?! ME!!!

I have lost 20.2 pounds (believe me, the 0.2 counts ๐Ÿ™‚ and I have so much energy my partner is starting to hide from me. At least I’m not stealing her choc late any more. My clothes are getting looser, I feel in control with food (because I don’t get any) and I have not had the bad moods I expected. The first 10 days was all headaches and hunger but that is long gone.

On Sunday we had two very old friends over for lunch. I slow cooked a leg of lamb on my barbie (barbie-Q that is, not the cheesy doll or Klaus type barbie). Now, this is where the torture is self inflicted. Kitty was quite happy to throw together one of her amazing lasagnas. This would be equally mouth watering to me but at least I would not have spent five hours lovingly preparing, basting and carving it.

Now I am sitting with Kitty, my two sons and two old friends, gazing across the impossibly beautiful Broken Bay. I am chatting away affably as I sip my Optifast soup. They devoured the lamb along with Kitty’s fabulous Greek salad and the eggplant that I had grilled on said barbie and lavished with Greek yogurt and cucumber.

Tragically, there was lamb leftovers!!!

Did I lust after the lamb? Was it self inflicted? I know you know the answer… slimming better be bloody worth it!!!

I know it will, it is already better. If I did not believe it, I would not be able to stay on Optifast for two consecutive days, let alone nearly five weeks.

Bring on the dog collar!!! Woof!!!

Purple Patch.

Wow! What a pleasant surprise!!!

After the first 10 days of Optifast meals, I have reached a point of NOT being terrorised by hunger pangs. My doctor has prescribed a month of Optimax to prepare for surgery. The lose of weight will mean better blood pressure (mine has always been “normal” – how mediocre ๐Ÿ™‚ and a healthy liver (which has to be lifted for the procedure).

The first 10 days were torture. Watching family and friends devouring wonderful meals, noticing how much food advertising appears on TV (and I watch very little TV) and being consumed with food and the desire to eat. I was low on energy, had headaches and other symptoms designed to make me eat. I toughed it out and now I’m feeling good!

Next week I go from 3 to 2 meals of Optifast a day. I was dreading this but I actually feel ready for it. The weight seems to be falling off now.

I’m feeling great, no pain right now. A spring in the old step and very motivated. Great support from family and friends, especially Kitty!

I can’t wait for Friday morning weigh in – reward time!!!

Lose it or die – a fat boy’s tale!

The time has come! Lose weight or die!

Well, that is just fine and dandy but I have been trying to lose weight all my life – already 2 score and 10 years gone!

I have tried every fat blasting trick in the book… pills, potions, motions… the weird, wild and outright wacky… oh, and all the mainstream stuff. Basically, I go up and down like the Sydney water supply only opposite – water in Sydney is less, my girth is more.

I exercise each day, walking, traversing the three flights of steps to my humble abode and swimming. I don’t eat junk food but I do like my tucker. I am sure I am a food addict. The result is, I am heading into my best years carrying about 70 kg (c. 150 lbs) too much. No wonder I am stuffed all the time!

Next stop – gastric banding!

Yep, in May I will be getting a Lap Bandโ„ข – a device that will throttle my stomach and, critically, curb my urge to eat! Crikey, if I can take that Koala off my back (we don’t have monkeys) I will name my next child “Lap Band Brooks”. OK, a bit of an exaggeration there, my only other operation made sure there would be no more ankle biters.

To prepare my liver, I am on a starvation diet. I get a shake in the morning, a bar at lunch (not the type I call my second home) and a soup and a few vegies at night! Four weeks of this and I won”t need an operation – I wish! The good news is, after two weeks I go down to two of these meals a day. Expect some irrational, angry and confused posts after that.


Well, I have a lot to hang around for. My partner and two sons deserve more of me, by getting less of me. They are my best support! I have many things I can’t wait to do:

  • I love unusual clothes – not easy for us big guys
  • I travel a lot – for those of you who are not obese, think how tough economy is and then multiply that by 100
  • I want to drop out of a perfectly serviceable aircraft
  • I want to SCUBA dive
  • I want to get more “horses” out of my motorcycle
  • I want to live without a CPAP and Sleep Apnoea – this is not guaranteed but could happen
  • I want to live long enough to exact revenge on my sons – I realised my sins to my parents when I had children – as much as I do love them
  • I want to lie on the beach without a bunch of do-gooders trying to roll me back into the surf
  • I want to tackle the next phase of my life with energy, vigour and more confidence

I have paid a high price for carrying so much weight; health risks (I have been fairly lucky so far), embarrassment (try asking for a belt extension on a flight or sitting on a chair that collapses), shopping (nothing really good in my size – except a Caftan) and confidence in some areas.

I have been an outgoing person who just toughs out tricky situations. I have great confidence in much of my life which has probably been my salvation for a great working and social life.

I have two months of no booze, my dear single malt scotch collection is safe from me for now. My partner thinks I will lose the weight, get really buffed and replace her with a 25 year old. I don’t want a 25 year old, I’m thinking 20! Truth is, I won’t be heading for “Buffed”, healthy and energetic is my goal. As for trading in my gorgeous partner, she is an important part of my decision, support and ultimate success. She is also the woman I searched so hard for in my life. Tried lots of Ms Wrongs (and it wasn’t all bad) – now I have Ms Right in my life I am rapt! It turns out I just had to look in Canada for my soul mate!

I thought I would jot a few thoughts on this next phase of my life. Stay tuned! I believe it will be a success story resplendent with serious weight loss, no 25 year olds and lots of new adventures.